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The Double Standard

I will begin this with an imaginary scenario and then move on to a story. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that I was trying to get my book edited. Let’s say I dealt with different men for two months trying to get it done, and nothing happened. Then after one conversation with a female, it was done immediately. If a female said to me “I guess if you need something edited, you need to get a female to do it!” I would probably laugh and say “you may be right!”

BTW I am making a concerted effort to retrain my speech to refer to that particular gender only as “females” As reported in my last post I was reprimanded for referring to females as girls (she preferred “women’) but as I look at that word it has so many negatives in it as well. I mean it has the word “man or the plural men” as part of it, and that is so demeaning and confining to what a female is. Now I am aware that “female” contains the word “male” as well. But since this is more of a scientific term, and applied to all species, that it is the most acceptable I can come up with.

If anyone has a better suggestion, please leave it in the comments. But, please don’t expect me to refer to you as “goddess” unless you can levitate, and communicate with the dead. I sometimes wonder how the goddess crowd would react if we males started to refer to ourselves as “Gods.”

Anyway, back to our story. It was a hypothetical example regarding males and females and editing a book.

Now for the parallel and true story. At the yoga studio for at least two months, half of the wall sconce lights were burnt out. Now, personally I could not give a shit, however, students didn’t want the overhead lights on while lying on their backs in savasana, and I wanted some light in the room.

For two months, I asked the females at the desk if the lights could be fixed, and later found out that another teacher had been asking for the same thing. One day I roll in to teach my class, and there is a male helping out at the desk. I happen to mention the sconces for perhaps the sixth time.

By the time I’m getting ready to start my class he has found light bulbs and replaced all the burnt-out lights. In my shock and amazement, I jokingly (sort of) blurt out “wow, I guess if you need a lightbulb replaced around here you gotta get a guy!” Or something very close to that, I don’t remember exactly. So, remember that part about my made-up story where someone says “I guess if you need something edited, you need to get a female to do it!” and I laugh and say “You may be right!” Well, in the real world it didn’t go quite like that.

What happened was that one or two females took great offense to that remark regarding males and lightbulbs, but rather than walk out they stayed for the entire class and afterwards reported my transgression to management. Now there is a first-rate, first world, champagne problem to have. A yoga teacher made what you consider to be a sexist remark, which wasn’t offensive enough to walk out over but was enough to complain about.

So, I got my very first “corporate write-up” of my not short life, as a result of that complaint. On my “permanent record” and everything. How awesome is that! First amendment rights be damned!

But this story does not end there! It gets even better!

About a month after that I went in to teach, and a big ass door in the studio had come off its hinges. So, I am there with two of my male students, and we try to fix it. It was broken, and we couldn’t repair it but got it wedged in place, so at least it was closed. The female, who was working the desk came in as we were finishing up and in her excitement to see this vast improvement said, “We just needed some testosterone!”

Basically, the exact same intent of what I had said, regarding the lightbulbs, and been punished for. I would never have considered anything in her remark to be offensive or want her to suffer in any way for it. It was lighthearted and maybe even a joke.

But there you have it, the “double standard” that permeates a world where no one accepts intent or context, and loves blanket concepts that support their righteousness.

I hope that all those concerned can feel that my punishment for that horrific remark I made regarding lightbulbs, will serve as justice and a blow to all those male sexists and abusers since time immemorial. Even if they may be feeling that pleasure in a dark room.

The result of this and the example of my last post has been a diminishing in my desire and enthusiasm to teach yoga and in some ways, even interact with females. I also don’t much care anymore about taking on new classes or giving up existing ones. Why expand the opportunities for certain people to attack you?

And so, my friends and students who value my teaching, that is how we both lose, thanks to small minds with loud voices.

Peace, out.

Today we will consider what kinds of cool things you may be missing out on because of all the lovely virtue signaling social justice warriors out there.

Let’s start with a reflection on the event that first told me things were getting weird. I went in to teach a class at a time of day that is more likely to attract, shall we say, less committed and more superficial yoga students. I’ve been known to refer to them as Grouponers, thus turning an object (groupon) into a noun. I find that sort of thing amusing, but I am rather easily amused.

It was a nice size class, perhaps mid 20’s, but there were only two men in the class. I was plugged into my usual stream-of-consciousness discourses, and, without giving it any thought, made a simple observation, “Thank goodness for girls when it comes to yoga.” I thought I was recognizing and giving props to the female gender for their wisdom in embracing what I consider to be a great gift to humanity.

One of the “women” in class found that offensive and said to me, “We aren’t girls, we’re women!” We were close to each other, and without saying it loudly or calling her out, I said: “Maybe this class isn’t for you.” I, of course, got a complaint.

I was shocked that of all the things someone could have the luxury in life to call a problem, complaining that someone referred to you as a girl rather than a woman was one of them. I, personally, have no problem being referred to as a “boy” or a “guy” or a “dude” and actually, prefer those labels to others I’ve had the misfortune of experiencing.

At any rate, I will make an exerted effort to refer to the gender that is not a male, as female rather than a girl, lady, woman or anything like that. Is female ok? I mean it’s a scientific term, right?

Why does any of this matter to what you are missing out on? Well, aside from the fact that she will never experience the many great lessons I impart after 40 years of practice, and 20 years of teaching, my present students will miss some great entertainment as a result of my forced censorship.

Like for instance the great stories I have from the movies I’ve worked on or the one I’m working on now that involves a well-known and controversial director. Don’t want to relate any cool things about the actors or directors that may come across in any way sexist, elitist or offensive.

Next would be physical adjustments. I have never been a great one for giving any type of suggestive adjustments, for the very reason that I never wanted to be that “creepy man yoga teacher.”  That said, I give very good and not creepy adjustments, but not much anymore. I cannot risk accidentally brushing someone in a way that they take as a #metoo moment, and next thing I know I’m being written up at the studio, and shamed on “Yelp” or Facebook.

Of course, the irony of this is that a female yoga teacher can lay all over someone and even use her pelvis to give an adjustment, and that’s all ok.

It has also crossed my mind how many men may be less willing to mentor or hire as an assistant a female, thinking why bother taking the risk. And probably the more high-profile and in a place of power and thus with the most to offer and lose, the less likely to want to take that risk.

Now, before all the emotionally charged and indignant SJWs start venting their recreational outrage at me over the horrific things men have subjected women too, this has absolutely nothing to do with any of that, nor does it condone, justify, or rationalize anything.

This is just an explanation of the thought process that has taken me, as a male yoga teacher to the place I am today, how I got here, and what my students have lost as a result of it.

Next post will tell more stories and deal with the “double standard.”

When I was a kid, my stepfather was a landscaper/gardener. He did both, and from the time I could push a lawnmower around a lawn for 25 cents an hour, I worked for him.

This was not gardening in the sense of Martha Stewart in a cute visor, delicately trimming the rose bushes. This was digging in hard dirt, moving heavy plants and clearing foot high weeds. I pretty much hate yard work.

It’s a funny thing because at the beginning of the year I was trying to think of a new year’s resolution to make. One that I always make is to meditate more because I believe that is the most important thing you can do.

Sometimes the meditation is going well, and it’s good, and sometimes it is a struggle. But hopefully, it’s at a place where it doesn’t need a resolution to keep it going.

I got to thinking about what I could do for a different new year’s resolution, and I don’t know why, but it just popped into my head “Weed the garden.” I was thinking it strange that of all the random things that could occur to me, “weed the garden?”

Then I figured it out. Weed the physical, mental, and spiritual garden.

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Or, How I got kicked out of a yoga group…

If you have considered marketing yourself or a product (either information or a tangible item) you may have encountered this common marketing recommendation. “Join and participate in groups relevant to your niche.”

That of course, targets Facebook, Linkedin, and other types of social media groups.
I, always game to try new things, jumped in with gusto. How could I have known I was setting myself up for heartbreak?

I checked Facebook for “yoga groups,” and found a couple and submitted to join. One particular “closed group” claimed to be only for yoga teachers and those doing a ‘teacher training.”

BTW, I’m still not entirely sure how you filter people for these qualifications, but…

I soon got my “acceptance” into the group and had a look. I was a little confused by what I found. Most of the posts seemed rather… ummm “unworthy?” That is to say not particularly relevant to a skilled yoga teacher.

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